yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
