I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
