best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
