she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am naked and annoyed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
