mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
