I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
