why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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