That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
