I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
