Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
as a side note pls kill me
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