I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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