U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
