My brain says no but my pants say off.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
