Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
