Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
