what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
