I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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