grandma shit on top of the toilet
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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