she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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