I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
