Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
