remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
