He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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