i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
