I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i've created a new STD.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
