My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
