a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
