hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
