The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
