you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
