I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
