Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
