ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
