If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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