oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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