all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
