i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
