Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We have started to decorate penises.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
