Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
