it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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