Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
