What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
