he wants to bone in the snuggie
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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