She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
