accomplished twins. life is a go
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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