At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
