dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
