i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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