Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
