Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
