if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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