some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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