OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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