Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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